Silas Marner characters need advice (Captain Awkward remix)

I and my two friends, Alex Tan and Katrina Jacinto, are big fans of George Eliot’s novel Silas Marner; Alex and Kat both studied it as an A-level Literature set text, and I taught this novel to several students over the last few years. Since the three of us are also massive fans of advice columnist Captain Awkward. we recently ended up whatsapping each other ideas on how Captain Awkward might title her summaries of letters written by various characters. See if you can spot who is who! (WARNING: SPOILERS)

LW #1: My church accused me of stealing and I moved to a new community, but people think I’m weird and creepy. How do I cope with feelings of loneliness and disconnection?

LW #2: how do i devise appropriate punishments for my naughty child? i put her into a coal hole and she thought it was a playground!!!!!! Arghhh

LW #3: my wife and i have been childless for sixteen years. how do i tell her that this is actually poetic retribution because i had an illegitimate child with a barmaid and then abandoned her in the snow and then disowned the child and let somebody else adopt her???

LW #4: I have just confessed to my wife that a working-class teenage girl in our community is my biological daughter and she agreed to take her into our family. My bio daughter turned down our offer, but how do I express my gratitude for my wife’s forgiveness, and show my love for her?

LW #5: I have just admitted to my 18-year-old biological daughter that I’m her father. How can I give her a nice wedding while respecting her wish to continue living with her adoptive father and keep our relationship under wraps in our small community?

LW #6: The local squire just told my dad and me that he was actually my bio dad, and invited me to live with him and his wife in their mansion. I said no, but my dad is now feeling bad that I passed up a more comfortable life. How do I convince him that I’m happiest staying with him?

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